My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
