toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Houston, we have a blender
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
