I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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