So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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