Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
