i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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