Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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