um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
COCAINE IS GR8
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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