Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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