I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
