Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
