I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
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if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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