Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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