i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
