You were right. It hurts to walk today.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
