So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
