I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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