mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?