Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...