but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed