It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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