butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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