I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
