Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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