fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
MIDGETS
????
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
