I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
