he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
