They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
