Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
