my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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