I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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