??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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