Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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