Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
