Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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