In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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