I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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