It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
