I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
