Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he thought i was a dude.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
