hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
