if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
