My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
