u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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