Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
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Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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