it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
