3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
