You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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