don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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