The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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