Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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