your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I understand Curling. That high.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
