I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
