If that was your dad, he is hot
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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