I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
