there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
