at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
