Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
