My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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