Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
