there's paper in my vomit.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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