Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
