That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
