If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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