Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
