Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
