He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
