he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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