I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
