You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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