Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I did not marry a roomba.
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