I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
