even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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