she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
