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You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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