Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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