Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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