this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
